I hesitated to blog about this… but it’s still bothering me this morning, far more than I expected, so maybe I’ll feel better if I do. 😞
I hesitated, because giving “haters” too much space in your head plays into their game, it’s what they want, but I feel this person wasn’t specifically out to hate, but rather acting out on preconceived, incorrect notions.
You may have seen my other journal about the group I created, the Snail Club of FA. From that account, I searched the main page for snail art, and faved a lot of cute snail related art and photos. Among these, I favorited two incredibly adorable pieces from a really talented artist with a very charming style.
A few hours later, I received a Telegram message from this artist asking to unfavorite the work. My anxiety spiked immediately; I know even without seeing the full message what this is about. It’s like… the Tumblr mentality has a “smell” that moved on to Twitter, and then Twitter became rank and negative and those people became more active on FA instead, and that person’s message reeked in the same way. If you’ve been in these toxic sites (Twitter and Tumblr, I mean) you’ll know just what I am referring to.
Sure enough, this person’s profile page (which I hadn’t seen) listed babyfurs basically among zoophiles, pedos and nazis on their page, and asked them not to interact in any way.
It’s always odd to me, since I’m not even a babyfur or into diapers (though I am a Little) that people just make blanket assumptions about me. This person doesn’t know me. But they felt a need to reach out to me, creating far more interaction between us than that of my accidental favorites from an account with no babyfur content, to tell me the equivalent of “I think you’re such human scum that I don’t even want the far-removed association of you favoriting two artworks of mine”. While surely not put that way, it was certainly the implied meaning. They could simply have blocked me to avoid further interactions, but they wanted to cause pain to someone they view as inferior to them.
And I admit I was very angry. I was hurt. I didn’t respond, I blocked them everywhere, deciding not to remove the faves. It’s not like they could force me to. I didn’t break any FA rules. That’d show them, right? Right.
…But I did remove the faves, of course. I post on my page that I want no interaction from minors. This is not a FA rule, but a personal request that I am thankful to have honored. This was similar. And despite this person’s ignorance, I didn’t want to be the sort of prick that ignores their request, since I didn’t know that they didn’t want my interaction when I faved that art. It was an honest mistake on my part.
Maybe it’s because I used to be so close-minded to furries and babyfurs once, but it just makes me so damn sad. I wish some of these people who hate our community could see a meet, or come to one of our parties at a convention. Then they might see that it’s really just a bunch of shy adults coloring with crayons, playing in a ball pit, or playing with a giant Jenga tower. Many of them don’t wear diapers, the ones that do hide it well, and often are incredibly shy about it.
I know that for many people, it’s really the fact that people can be sexual and Littles at the same time that puts them off. But what do you expect? Littles/babyfurs are adults after all, and many, if not most, adults are sexual. It’s a need for many, like eating or drinking.
When Littleness is such an intrinsic part of someone’s personality, and that person isn’t asexual, then sometimes wires just cross. Not for everyone, but for many people, it just happens. As long as everything is happening between adults, why judge it?
This shouldn’t be so hard to grasp. It’s so odd to me that my 60+ year old sheltered mom understands babyfurs better than young people. 😔
But anyway. I digress. I’m not sure where I’m going with this. I guess sometimes I forget that people hate me simply for drawing baby animals in diapers, no matter how innocent or non-fetishy my work happens to be, even if I make all of my spaces 18+ to be safe.
Someone I could perhaps have been friends with, automatically hates me, thinks of me as garbage they don’t want touching them in the most indirect of ways, just because my friends are babyfurs or I draw them. Or maybe because I’m a Little.
I never knew when I joined the furry community that it would end up this way. I ended up in the babyfur side because it was the most fun, the most welcoming and friendly. So at least there’s that. But it’s odd, I went and joined a group of outcasts kind of by accident —outcasts within a group that, until not too long ago, were outcasts in society as a whole (and sometimes furries still kind of are, depending on who you ask.)
I don’t know. At the end of the day it’s so sad. I do feel better after writing all this down, so I guess it helped. But now I’m just sad instead. I try to be kind to everyone. I try to draw cute things to make people happy. I know some people aren’t going to like me, but I wish I had a chance to be disliked on my own merits rather than incorrect preconceptions.
Doesn’t always work that way though.