In reference to my previous journal… I know there are people in my life who are going to be really shocked to see me write “former” Christian. Especially because right before it happened, I basically went through months of one final, wholehearted, deeply sincere attempt to return to the illusion of safety that organized religion/church gave to me. So I was fairly low key about it, and only one friend even noticed/asked about it. I know some people may even be sad on my behalf. I would have been for others, if the tables were turned, a few years ago.
Part of the reason for this is that I had to accept/admit that I never believed that if you don’t believe that Jesus died for your sins, then you go to Hell. Or to, you know, not Heaven. This is THE key factor in being a Christian and if you believe in this, think really hard about what this means and who it applies to.
To me, the idea that Hell (or just, no life after death) is what awaits someone who led an exemplary life in which they perpetually gave all they had and sacrificed it all for their fellow humans, even if they believe in God, pray daily, even follow Jesus’ doctrines, only because they don’t believe he died their sins, while someone who commits genocide can believe Jesus died for them and gain total absolution, is, I mean, forgive me for this, but it’s a little fucked up.
I know this may seem a big change from who I am, and it is, but it’s not new, and I went through it for the last two years.
I don’t believe in the Bible any more. I suppose in a way I never did, because I kept trying to explain horrible/terrible things about it away with huge mental gymnastics. I still believe in God but I’ve become WAY more sensitive to not forcing any of my beliefs upon others.
ALSO… regarding prayers. If you’re someone who is there for me, who is my friend, someone I can count on, not a random stranger who would just drop “thoughts and prayers ” comments on a journal, of course it would not upset me if you offer prayers. I would be touched, and gladdened, to know that someone is speaking to God on my behalf. It is very different if it’s done by someone I barely know and who doesn’t want to bother to be there for me at all.