Working On Myself 🍎

Ok so I’m gonna put a big ❗ CONTENT WARNING ❗ here since I know that the topic of eating/body image is a huge trigger for some people so please do not read the rest of this post if you have body image issues / eating disorders / related triggers. Especially because I include some negative talk about myself and I’m fine with that but I don’t want anyone else to feel bad.

I’ve been avoiding this topic on my blog, even though it’s in my mind so much of the time and it really just tortures me, because I worry about upsetting friends. I won’t talk about this often, but please let me have this post. Don’t click read more if this topic will upset you. I’d hate to lose followers for something I gave fair warning on.

CW: Body image, dieting, calorie counting and the like. 💧

Continue reading Working On Myself 🍎

🌷 My Husband and Me 🌷

Yesterday I was a little quiet as far as responding to DMs and such. I apologize. In addition to my cramps, I’ve been having weird headaches and tinglings in random parts of my body. It feels as though I might have a pinched nerve somewhere, maybe on my spine. It seems worse when I’m drawing. And a lot of the tingling is on my head. But nothing feels serious enough to warrant a risky doctor visit at this time.

The really sad thing yesterday though was that one of my big, treasured snails passed away. While those snails are battling mites, they have not been infested long at all, and they are all still fat, eating, and active, in addition to being treated with a ridiculous number of hypoaspis (I’m not kidding, I put 25,000 in a tiny container with the snails, I’m desperate). The snail that died didn’t look poorly. Holding it, it still felt heavy in my hand, indicating good body mass. So I don’t know what happened but I was so very sad. 😔

Let me insert a BIG ass warning here, do not buy snails from lucky_gary on eBay. She has all good reviews because mites take a while to be noticed by inexperienced owners such as I was, and her snails take a while to die, but they are sick snails, with mites, poor genes and weak shells. Many people have asked her to fix the mite problem before continuing to sell, and she denies having mites at all… not true, sadly. Now my once healthy snails are also sick because they got mites from her snails, and I’ve dropped hundreds of dollars into treating them.

Unless I manage to breed them, the poms are too expensive to get and too hard to get as well. And I haven’t managed to get eggs yet. So if they all die I’ll be SOL. 💩

At least, the weekend was nice. We watched three movies of varying “quality”… Face Off, Parenthood and Sudden Death. I worked on commercial art, gift art, and another illustration for Meganeea:

We went to the mall, and to Kimchi Mart. We had burgers. Cuddled lots. Our weekends have been a lot nicer as of late, actually.

A little over two years ago, when my then-friend of five years and I had our terrible falling out and our little group permanently broke since she no longer wanted me around, both my husband and I felt very lonely and isolated. Our outings with them had been an important part of our lives and one of the happiest things I’d ever known. So, for months after that (actually over a year, if I’m honest) it was really hard and lonesome for us. Even though we would still have friends over, there was something irreplaceable lost.

And then, just as we were determined to strengthen other friendships and make new ones, and had actually started that process, COVID hit. And it was just us again, completely us and rarely any friends. Even more than before.

Maybe the COVID situation helped us come to terms with it, I don’t know, but we’ve fallen into a very lovely and intimate routine. We watch stupid movies and cuddle, we cook for each other, we play board and card games. Sometimes we go to a park or the mall. We’ve become closer than we used to be and enjoy each other’s company more than before. Even something like mowing the lawn together makes me happy because I’m doing it with him. At the end of every weekend, I always feel like I’ve had such a lovely time, even though it’s often just been him and I, at home.

I’ve always treasured my husband and our relationship, but lately even more so. I find myself just staring at him randomly at times, because he smiled a certain way, or made a funny face, or said something sweet. Or just because he’s there. And even seven years later, his face, his voice, just makes me stop for a moment and take it in, kinda like when we were early in our dating, and it hits me how much I love everything about him. And I can’t believe someone like him is my husband. So many lucky things have happened in my life, but that one beats all, for sure.

I’m aware that years are passing and I’m changing, emotionally and physically, and so is he, and even those changes fill me with emotions that are hard to put into words, but I guess at the core they are the feeling of getting older together.

As is often the case with my rambles, I’m not sure how to end this post. Other than, if reading this makes you go “gee I wish I had that” I can’t encourage you enough to be as open minded as possible when it comes to finding a companion to share your life with.

In my 20s I had so many strict requirements. The person had to be a Christian, love books as much as I did, hopefully be an artist or writer or some sort of creative career. Basically any serious disagreements were dealbreakers.

If I’d met my husband just a few years earlier I wouldn’t have dated him. He hates to read, he’s always been agnostic, we have different political stances, and extremely different viewpoints in many things. He’s opened my mind when it comes to many things and I like to think perhaps I’ve opened his a little, as well. But at the core we are very different people, and yet all our friends agree that we work perfectly together. And we really do. I don’t think we’ve had more than three serious fights in seven years (and I can only really remember two, I’m adding a third one for good measure.) And the longer we are together, the less we argue, ever.

If I’d stuck to my guns I would have ended with someone who matched me better on paper but didn’t help me grow into the person I would become. And such a relationship would likely be over by now, or about to be, instead of getting better every day.

Every day you wake up next to the one you picked to share your whole life with, you should feel like the luckiest person alive to have them. That person may not look anything like the series of checkboxes you’ve always had in your head. So keep your mind open.

I’ve gone on and on enough so I’m gonna try to have a little nap. I slept quite poorly last night and still have a headache. I’ve had it on and off for days. Maybe after I sleep I can properly kick start my day.