CW: This post will have small bits of weight loss/calories talk, nothing major, please don’t keep reading if this triggers you.
Today was a good day! I zoomed with mom, had a long bike ride (over seven miles). Did lots of work around the house, played Code: Realize, worked on art, and ate well! Wasn’t hungry, felt like I treated myself multiple times today and somehow I was well under my calorie limit! So, I’m ecstatic. As I work harder and harder, my negative obsession with eating junk foods wanes. I’m really proud of myself, and getting some encouragement from Sammy today was a tremendous boost too.
Tomorrow I have to get my blood drawn… and with that, the scary test gets closer and closer. 😞 I’m trying not to think about it. BUT! Hopefully in the evening, for date night, we get to go to Chuy’s which just opened. That’s exciting. Maybe I’ll wear one of my new skirtalls, and bring Falafel (my little stuffed camel) along.
In other VERY VERY EXCITING NEWS…
Many of my friends will know what a MASSIVE deal this is to me. I’ll most likely stream myself playing this. This game had a huge impact on my life, the music makes me cry to this day! I really hope it’ll be a physical release, but I’m not holding my breath. I’m just thrilled for it to be remastered at all!
Anyway, I have to cut this short. Long day tomorrow. Goodnight, everyone!
This drawing was meant to be accompanied by a long post describing my acceptance of being agnostic, a word I’ve only begun to use to describe myself this year, after one last, deep foray into religion that ultimately helped me finally be free.
In the end, I decided to post it by itself –well, mostly. This was going to be a lot longer. But I feel that my road to peace, to breaking away from religion and trying to find my spirituality without being constrained by fear or indoctrination, is more between me and my maker (I do still believe in intelligent design, but I also accept that it may not be a thing, I just wish that hopefully this is the case) rather than something I should share as a long diatribe.
The short of it is, I feel at peace –I had to grieve, in a way, but now I am happier than before. I was afraid that accepting what I suspected in my heart since childhood meant the world would lose its wonder and magic, but it has not: the world holds incredible wonder regardless of how it came to be. The only difference in my life, truly, is that I am free from fear, and left with wonder alone. I’m grateful for the journey.
I wish I could say I’ve stopped torturing myself about this. Seeing people express doubt makes me sick with fear, to the point of literal IRL nausea, about… an unbelievable coincidence? So, in my desperation, and my heartbreak, I’ve been poring over three years of chats with Milo. This was especially painful because I’d forgotten how often we used to talk, sharing details about each other’s lives, happy times, sad times, hopes, aspirations. I cried multiple times going through these messages. I screencapped some of them for important details:
I messaged one of the French publications for perhaps more information on the case (since I have more private details about Milo that could help identify without any doubt, if there even is any.)
With that said, I want to give you the information I do have. I already did but here it is again, laid out very clearly:
• Milo’s name, like the accused pedophile, is Camille Orion (this is known by many.) • Unfortunately I don’t know Milo’s exact age, but I do know that, like the accused Camille Orion, he is in his early 30s now. • Milo disappeared on August 20, 2019. At least, this is the last day he faved something on FA. The little two year old boy accused Camille Orion of the terrible assault on August 22, 2019. • Several articles describe Camille Orion as “a disturbing man, who fantasizes about the diapers he collects, admits to pedophile and zoophile inclinations.” I don’t actually think Milo is into zoo stuff, I think this is possibly how the article interpreted the furry fandom, so I’m not taking that as confirmation or lack thereof. But the first part, about diapers, is a HELL of a coincidence. • Milo, like the convicted Camille Orion, had multiple degrees on child care. • Milo, like the convicted Camille Orion, had worked in a nursery. • Milo, like the convicted Camille Orion, had worked as an au pair/nanny in the past and was seeking more work of this sort.
For all of these things to happen as a coincidence, I do not see how it is possible. I can’t believe France doesn’t make this info public, it is terrible, but anyway, I wanted to put out everything I have, in full detail. There’s a part of me that feels like someone has actually died, and you know, seeing all the horrible comments on his profile is, in a way, painful to me as well. I’m sure it also is to Marisol, and anyone else who was duped by Milo. I understand the anger, I feel zero pity for this man, but for some reason the comments hurt. Even though I wrote one of them, there was a time I cared about this person.
I’m sorry I’ve written so many journals on FA, posts here, and just… been so emotional and angry these past 48 hours. I’m just not okay at all. I think I just need someone to tell me “this isn’t a coincidence, it can’t be, get real.” But when people express doubt, it makes me doubt my own eyes too, because I’m so heartbroken, and in this state, I’d cling onto anything. The very people coddling this pedophile are making me doubt my own eyes and my own evidence. I’d give anything to be able to access actual criminal records. But anyway, that is what I have. I think it’s all pretty obvious.
I really do hope this is the last journal. I’m so sorry. I don’t even know for sure what I’m apologizing for. I feel terrible because if I didn’t say anything I think no one would have known. I brought this pain to the surface. I had to. Right? It’s the right thing to do, isn’t it? I feel so lost and broken.