Category Archives: 🐿️ My Life 🐿️

State of The Squelf: Mid-October Edition 👻

I can’t believe it’s already Monday again. I can’t believe it’s already almost 6pm. Today flew by, yet it also dragged on. I don’t feel well overall.

Last week, Akumin called again to reschedule my cervical MRI: in spite of all the problems, my insurance approved it and it was moved to Tuesday. That was a relief. So I got that done.

Unfortunately, I goofed and forgot about my blood test appointment. So that added a week of time to that. I’ll be getting the blood drawn this Friday. I felt very stupid.

Last Thursday I had another headache. The difference here was that it was the first time that it happened when my husband and I were intimate. Up until now, it had only been a “by myself” problem. So that put a temporary damper on the evening. It wasn’t terrible, as I stopped in time, but it left me with a burning in the area of what I now know is my occipital nerves under my right ear. It’s a pressure, an ache, an annoying warmth. And that remained for days, varying in intensity, and I feel it even now. It’s deeply annoying, and coupled with my PMS and with physical needs that I cannot take care of for the foreseeable future, I am literally crawling up the walls. It’s the freaking worst.

CW: TMI ahead.

Sometimes I wish I’d never discovered orgasms. A little over a couple of months ago, I didn’t need them, and I was fine. Maybe I wasn’t always, but I didn’t know that it was a problem. Now I know what they are, and how to have them. And I can’t. I can’t because if I do it I feel like someone is torturing me with an ice pick, hammer and vice to the head, all in one. All of that —and not taking care of myself is STILL HARD. The frustration I’m feeling physically is so horrible, that if a solution to my headaches cannot be found, I’ll gladly take a pill to at least temporarily kill my libido. Because this is a horrible way to feel. It’s horrible.


I meant to introduce you all to Punkim. As far as Charlie Bears go, Punkim is very basic looking, but he’s big and fluffy. I think he’s my most down-to-earth bear. I like him lots and lots.

Here’s a couple of photos of Punkim before his outfit was complete. You can see his face (and his cute little bear pants) better:

And here he is in his full outfit:

Lately, Christopher and I have been playing a little of Ever17 every day. It’s a game that’s really important to him, and as we play, I can see why. It’s been a wonderful routine especially on the days he is home earlier, or on the weekends, to play together for an hour while having a snack.

I’ve been eating crushed dry ramen while playing which makes me feel like an absolute beast, but to tell the truth it’s one of the most delicious things I’ve ever had. You smash the ramen, pour it in a bowl, and then mix it with the powder. Try it! I discovered it after seeing it’s sold as a dry snack in Asian stores and it’s 100% the same thing as normal dry ramen.

(And yes, this is completely safe to eat, though you have to be careful with your teeth, and I can only vouch for Nissin brand as being safe to eat like this, but I do believe most ramen is pre-cooked. You’re just hydrating it.)

On Saturday night Christopher surprised me by taking me to our favorite ramen place. I was sure it had closed down. It really made my night!

I’m doing my best to push through commission work. But to tell the truth I have no motivation for anything… not drawing, writing, reading, gaming… nothing… 😞

Maybe tomorrow I’ll concentrate on giving the house a good cleaning. I think that has been bothering me. Maybe it will help, if only I can muster the motivation.

Oh, yeah. I want to deeply, deeply thank everyone who got slots for the Winter Friends YCH. While I’m still returning and reordering stuff from Amazon, overall my setup is improving daily. Getting used to some changes in my setup presents a challenge of its own, but I’m doing my best. Once I’m 100% all done, I’ll post photos of both completed setups.

I’m most excited to get my Redbubble stickers for my desk. I can’t wait to cover the desk in new stickers. ✨ 🌈

MRI Delayed… 😣

F**k our new insurance!! Seriously f**k it! F**k Akumin Imaging too! They themselves tell me to call them Monday to see if a new appointment opened up, earlier, because it’s sort of an EMERGENCY, right?!! Serious stuff??! So I do. They move me to tomorrow. Cool!

Later I get a call where they tell me my insurance hasn’t approved the MRI yet, take your sweet time I guess United? It’s not like I may or may not be dying, ROFL.

Except now I lost my original appointment. So I don’t get to have my MRI until Friday. I want to cry. FML. I just want to know what’s wrong with me!!

And I may not even get it on Friday. They may not approve it by then. I feel so utterly helpless.

It’s Monday Again

The past week was a little wild, but the weekend was alright. We bathed the cats. Friends came over, had pizza. 🍕 Worked in my studio layout. So, it was alright.

The other day I received a new package from ODU, an onesie they’d been holding for me. This onesie design makes me think of my friend Nate and this is a big reason of why I wanted it, besides the design being adorable, of course (this is something I kinda do. I’ll get things with polar bears because they remind me of Kitty and Snow, things with lions because they remind me of Mwako, and so on.)

I’m really happy with it and have worn it already! 🐴🌈🥕🍎

Also, I recently went to Target and happened to run into this adorable bear mug. Too pretty to use. It was only $5.00 so I bought it to display in the library.

In other news, Rudyard’s outfit is now complete. I think he looks absolutely adorable:

A far as health news goes, I was able to move my appointment to tomorrow (for the cervical MRI.) Without contrast, so no needles that day, but I’ll get needles on Thursday. That’s when the bloodwork is due to be done.

I still feel deeply uneasy. I’m guessing if/when I look at a second opinion as far as the brain cyst goes, we might go to Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville. It’s by far the best rated place for neurology in all of Florida. And I really want to feel at ease about this. I do not feel at ease at all. I’m just plain scared, but you know, that’s okay. It’s a scary thing. As long as I still make sure to do all I need to, it’s okay to be a little scared.

I’m still not sure if my symptoms are due to the brain cyst (neurologist says no) some blood issue (we’ll know soon) or something in my spine being compressed. My posture is terrible, primarily due to poor desk set up but above all the fact that I have never had a decent chair, ever.

The one I had now surely was great at some point but it was old and flat when it was passed down to me. My spine has zero support.

So I need a new chair. Just an okay chair that isn’t ancient and can be adjusted in a particular way will do. But the chairs I am looking at are in the neighborhood of $200.

For now, I’ve rearranged my drawing boards, so I can use the one I keep downstairs for occasional use, in a more permanent manner. It’s far more ergonomically sound:

Unfortunately, this setup is only for iPad work. My primary setup, with the Cintiq, three monitors, keyboards, etc, is the one doomed with the crappy chair.

I do not feel comfortable taking more normal commissions at this time or even opening for anything this big at all. So I’ll just mention here that if anyone wants a whole bunch of artistic freedom pieces from me (say, four, fully rendered) so I can get a chair, please contact me. It’d take a while though, so I am not comfortable doing this with anyone who isn’t a friend or frequent commissioner. Especially because I’d probably have to ask you to make the order since I do not currently have a credit card I can use, until later this week.

Anyway that’s all I’ve got for now. It’s time to take care of my snildren. I wish you all a wonderful day and will keep you posted on brain/spine/etc health news.

Date Night 💏

Today was my neurologist appointment. There’s a lot of stuff about that I’ll be going into detail in an upcoming post, because I’m so tired.

After the appointment I experienced the worst headache of my life. Like “I think I am dying” bad. Somehow, I was okay an hour later. Which I can only compare to pain like, breaking your leg in three places and being okay an hour later. It was an odd feeling. The pain still had me somewhat nauseous, so I wasn’t very hungry, but I hated to cancel our date night plans, so off we went to Nami. I brought MoonPie along:

Nami in Miramar is still taking COVID pretty seriously and is one of the few places I feel comfortable dining out at. So I didn’t want to give up the chance as I treasure these outings with my husband.

The food was good, I just didn’t feel so great so I didn’t eat as much as other times. Plus the headache episode was so unbelievably frightening that I was just, rattled overall, and wondering in the back of my head, still, if I should be in the restaurant or the ER. Haha…

I had Buddha Tofu as usual. Later we played Tetris. It was a lovely night as they always are. I enjoy our date nights immensely.

Credit Card Fraud 🐿️💦

Well, more like debit card fraud… 🤔 So basically I woke up to this:

Now I buy a lot of random crap so I thought it had to be something I bought. But I couldn’t find anything. I selected “no” and my card was promptly shut down. I received a call later and confirmed that indeed someone tried to use my account at around 3:00am for a whole bunch of fraudulent charges in the hundreds of dollars. 😲 Thank God that Regions has fraud protection. Honestly Regions kinda sucks a lot of the time so I didn’t expect they would.

I’m very careful with my cards and use Lastpass for everything so perhaps it happened at some convenience store when I was out of town… who knows. I ran a virus and malware scan, just in case. My husband says not to worry about it other than what I’ve done already.

But yeah! That was quite the way to start my morning.

Anyway today I have my doctor’s appointment, at 3:00pm ish. I imagine a bunch of tests will be ordered so I’m not super excited about that.

Okay Maybe I Do Need To See The Doctor…

I’ve been trying hard to ignore this, since my MRIs came basically clear. But something is still not right.

You might recall I had a big scare with “exertion headaches” (basically… TMI ahead, though I’ve mentioned it before… thunderclap headaches when I orgasm. The headaches, and the orgasms, were new experiences and came together.) My doctor was deeply worried and I had two MRIs. Nothing seemed amiss so she said I could continue, using painkillers for the headaches when they happened.

As weeks wore on, I no longer had a headache every time. Then suddenly, I did again: worse than before and this time on the other side of my head.

With the headaches came tingling, both in the area of the pain (the tingling starts first actually) and on my neck… my back… my extremities. Clearly this seems to be either blood pressure related or a pinched nerve or a spine issue, but anyway it is not going away. It’s stressful and worrysome and of course I can no longer enjoy what for me was a new discovery because I’m afraid I’m going to have a stroke or something.

My follow-up with the neurologist was in November, and until today I felt like I would wait, but I no longer feel safe doing so. I tried calling today but they were already closed, so I suppose I will call tomorrow.

Getting Better At Cooking! ✨

I’ve been trying really hard to be a better wife to my husband cause he just does SO SO much for me and I feel like I fall so short. So at least I want to cook every day and to cook well. I don’t always succeed but I’m getting better and better, and since I try new recipes constantly, it’s kinda fun.

The other day we had catfish fillets with really good potatoes and kalamata olives and string beans salad. I made everything including prepping the fillets but I let Christopher fry them because they were SO expensive… $16.00 for four fillets! And I was too stressed about ruining them. Mostly I’ve been cooking without help though.

This was my favorite of all recent meals so I took a photo.