Tag Archives: My Life

🌷 My Husband and Me 🌷

Yesterday I was a little quiet as far as responding to DMs and such. I apologize. In addition to my cramps, I’ve been having weird headaches and tinglings in random parts of my body. It feels as though I might have a pinched nerve somewhere, maybe on my spine. It seems worse when I’m drawing. And a lot of the tingling is on my head. But nothing feels serious enough to warrant a risky doctor visit at this time.

The really sad thing yesterday though was that one of my big, treasured snails passed away. While those snails are battling mites, they have not been infested long at all, and they are all still fat, eating, and active, in addition to being treated with a ridiculous number of hypoaspis (I’m not kidding, I put 25,000 in a tiny container with the snails, I’m desperate). The snail that died didn’t look poorly. Holding it, it still felt heavy in my hand, indicating good body mass. So I don’t know what happened but I was so very sad. 😔

Let me insert a BIG ass warning here, do not buy snails from lucky_gary on eBay. She has all good reviews because mites take a while to be noticed by inexperienced owners such as I was, and her snails take a while to die, but they are sick snails, with mites, poor genes and weak shells. Many people have asked her to fix the mite problem before continuing to sell, and she denies having mites at all… not true, sadly. Now my once healthy snails are also sick because they got mites from her snails, and I’ve dropped hundreds of dollars into treating them.

Unless I manage to breed them, the poms are too expensive to get and too hard to get as well. And I haven’t managed to get eggs yet. So if they all die I’ll be SOL. 💩

At least, the weekend was nice. We watched three movies of varying “quality”… Face Off, Parenthood and Sudden Death. I worked on commercial art, gift art, and another illustration for Meganeea:

We went to the mall, and to Kimchi Mart. We had burgers. Cuddled lots. Our weekends have been a lot nicer as of late, actually.

A little over two years ago, when my then-friend of five years and I had our terrible falling out and our little group permanently broke since she no longer wanted me around, both my husband and I felt very lonely and isolated. Our outings with them had been an important part of our lives and one of the happiest things I’d ever known. So, for months after that (actually over a year, if I’m honest) it was really hard and lonesome for us. Even though we would still have friends over, there was something irreplaceable lost.

And then, just as we were determined to strengthen other friendships and make new ones, and had actually started that process, COVID hit. And it was just us again, completely us and rarely any friends. Even more than before.

Maybe the COVID situation helped us come to terms with it, I don’t know, but we’ve fallen into a very lovely and intimate routine. We watch stupid movies and cuddle, we cook for each other, we play board and card games. Sometimes we go to a park or the mall. We’ve become closer than we used to be and enjoy each other’s company more than before. Even something like mowing the lawn together makes me happy because I’m doing it with him. At the end of every weekend, I always feel like I’ve had such a lovely time, even though it’s often just been him and I, at home.

I’ve always treasured my husband and our relationship, but lately even more so. I find myself just staring at him randomly at times, because he smiled a certain way, or made a funny face, or said something sweet. Or just because he’s there. And even seven years later, his face, his voice, just makes me stop for a moment and take it in, kinda like when we were early in our dating, and it hits me how much I love everything about him. And I can’t believe someone like him is my husband. So many lucky things have happened in my life, but that one beats all, for sure.

I’m aware that years are passing and I’m changing, emotionally and physically, and so is he, and even those changes fill me with emotions that are hard to put into words, but I guess at the core they are the feeling of getting older together.

As is often the case with my rambles, I’m not sure how to end this post. Other than, if reading this makes you go “gee I wish I had that” I can’t encourage you enough to be as open minded as possible when it comes to finding a companion to share your life with.

In my 20s I had so many strict requirements. The person had to be a Christian, love books as much as I did, hopefully be an artist or writer or some sort of creative career. Basically any serious disagreements were dealbreakers.

If I’d met my husband just a few years earlier I wouldn’t have dated him. He hates to read, he’s always been agnostic, we have different political stances, and extremely different viewpoints in many things. He’s opened my mind when it comes to many things and I like to think perhaps I’ve opened his a little, as well. But at the core we are very different people, and yet all our friends agree that we work perfectly together. And we really do. I don’t think we’ve had more than three serious fights in seven years (and I can only really remember two, I’m adding a third one for good measure.) And the longer we are together, the less we argue, ever.

If I’d stuck to my guns I would have ended with someone who matched me better on paper but didn’t help me grow into the person I would become. And such a relationship would likely be over by now, or about to be, instead of getting better every day.

Every day you wake up next to the one you picked to share your whole life with, you should feel like the luckiest person alive to have them. That person may not look anything like the series of checkboxes you’ve always had in your head. So keep your mind open.

I’ve gone on and on enough so I’m gonna try to have a little nap. I slept quite poorly last night and still have a headache. I’ve had it on and off for days. Maybe after I sleep I can properly kick start my day.

Burger and Movie Night 🍔 🎥

Well, it was supposed to be burgers and board games with friends but that didn’t pan out. However we had a perfectly wonderful day. Christopher took me to the mall for a walk. It was at his suggestion, and with that being a rare occurrence, I jumped on it despite my cramps.

I even brought Turrón along but I didn’t get any photos of her. I was a bit too under the weather (just physically though.) But we stopped at Build-a-Bear and got some panties for her. 🙊

Later we had coffee and a snack and watched a documentary on Action Park. I worked on a commercial commission while watching.

Tomoyo decided to hang around.

The documentary was great, very fascinating stuff. I think it is the third documentary on the subject that we have watched, and my favorite so far. Here’s a trailer if you haven’t heard of it. There’s also other documentaries on the topic available on YouTube:

Then we had burgers, and watched The Muppets (not the newest show but the one before that) and then we watched Face-Off (which made me realize I really don’t like action movies, but Christopher enjoyed it so much that I still had a great time.) Worked some more on commissions and then just cuddled.

That’s kind of it. Nice quality time with husband, good food, just a nice time. My cramps are pretty bad but I expect tomorrow I’ll be feeling much better.

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

🦋 Marzi 🦋

This is my Gotz doll, Marzi. She’s just a little bigger than your average AG doll, and the only doll I have (I don’t count dolls of licensed characters). As is often the case with my toy companions, she is named after a favorite food of mine, in this case, marzipan. 🙈

I’ve had Marzi for a couple of years now, and wanted her for so long before I could have her, that at the time, Tacky (takinoue on FA) even drew me getting her in the mail (though I couldn’t have her and wouldn’t for some time):

You can tell this is older because it’s from way before I switched to my current fursona. 😉

When I did get Marzi, she was a little dream of a doll. Ball jointed and just gorgeous, especially for a play-doll. I got her a little My Little Pony dress and bow, which were cute enough on her. But then I couldn’t connect with her for some reason.

I think it’s because dolls need to be more old fashioned for me to connect with them, and Marzi’s dress made her anything but that. So, eventually, she went into storage.

Recently though, I found the perfect dress, the perfect shoes, the perfect accessories. And with it all put together, it worked! Now she sits in permanent display in my library, looking to me as though she could have escaped from any of my children’s books. She feels like a suitable companion to my bears. 💕

Welcome, Mignon! 🐰🌈💕🥕

My little Mignon (AKA Cabbage Rose by Charlie Bears) arrived today! It’s odd, when I first took him out I didn’t like his face AT ALL. It was an instant, oh, back you go, buddy. I really did box him back up and start looking at the return process. He just looks… grumpy? Haha.

But I don’t know, I dressed, brushed him, and then suddenly I loved him. Basically I’m fickle as balls, okay. So he stays. I love how poseable his ears are.

He’s already joined me for date night snack, and is gonna be with me for dinner and Tetris and puzzle-making. 😁

Doesn’t he look cute in his sweater, too! It’s by HalandMacy on Etsy.

One Last Note Regarding My Religious Beliefs

In reference to my previous journal… I know there are people in my life who are going to be really shocked to see me write “former” Christian. Especially because right before it happened, I basically went through months of one final, wholehearted, deeply sincere attempt to return to the illusion of safety that organized religion/church gave to me. So I was fairly low key about it, and only one friend even noticed/asked about it. I know some people may even be sad on my behalf. I would have been for others, if the tables were turned, a few years ago.

Part of the reason for this is that I had to accept/admit that I never believed that if you don’t believe that Jesus died for your sins, then you go to Hell. Or to, you know, not Heaven. This is THE key factor in being a Christian and if you believe in this, think really hard about what this means and who it applies to.

To me, the idea that Hell (or just, no life after death) is what awaits someone who led an exemplary life in which they perpetually gave all they had and sacrificed it all for their fellow humans, even if they believe in God, pray daily, even follow Jesus’ doctrines, only because they don’t believe he died their sins, while someone who commits genocide can believe Jesus died for them and gain total absolution, is, I mean, forgive me for this, but it’s a little fucked up.

I know this may seem a big change from who I am, and it is, but it’s not new, and I went through it for the last two years.

I don’t believe in the Bible any more. I suppose in a way I never did, because I kept trying to explain horrible/terrible things about it away with huge mental gymnastics. I still believe in God but I’ve become WAY more sensitive to not forcing any of my beliefs upon others.

ALSO… regarding prayers. If you’re someone who is there for me, who is my friend, someone I can count on, not a random stranger who would just drop “thoughts and prayers ” comments on a journal, of course it would not upset me if you offer prayers. I would be touched, and gladdened, to know that someone is speaking to God on my behalf. It is very different if it’s done by someone I barely know and who doesn’t want to bother to be there for me at all.

✨ Lotsa Goodies ✨

Okay I just finished a commission and it’s not too late so I think I can complete this post before bed!

We went to a game store on Saturday. Christopher allowed me to pick one cheap “kiddy” game for our date nights. I already have (and love) Kingdomino so I could not resist Dragomino by the same makers because… BABY DRAGONS. And, this time they had Takenoko, which I’d only seen the expansions for before. So we got that also:

Before visiting the game store, I spent a long time in a thrift shop since there was a social-distancing related wait to go into the game store anyway –and BOY did I score in there! Everything was half off, from already stupidly cheap prices. I spent less than $8.00 in everything.

I got some colorful furry-ish socks for myself, and several baby caps for my bears:

Also, even though I am no longer part of any organized religion, I still have both a soft spot and a great interest in anything religious that is geared towards children. This book was free (nice copy from 1964) so I took it.

It’s not as interesting as most “childhood indoctrination” books, which I now seek, but rather a sweet little collection of stories about Jesus, beautifully illustrated.

For such an old book, it is in beautiful condition.

At the Vero Beach Book Store, I got two “Gummy Bear” clip-ons, three lovely bookmarks (lenticular bookmarks are my favorite) and a book I’ve long wanted to read, Drawing On The Right Side Of The Brain:

But here… now here is the best find. This was actually from the thrift shop, but I wanted to leave it for last.

This utter beauty, brand new in sealed bag and still protected with foam, was $7.99, but 50% off that price. It’s small, just right for my dear little bears. I couldn’t believe how utterly beautiful it was for the price, the condition, just. All of it. I was happier about this than anything else I got this weekend.

Already Dijon took possession of it, at least for now. Doesn’t she look adorable sitting on it? 😊💕✨💕✨

Other than these outings, I did get a lot of commission work during our stay and even worked on some gift art for my friend. Overall it was a wonderful weekend. I’m looking forward to working on the current chapter of Meganeea again tomorrow and perhaps even illustrating it during the week.

I will be having Hoppi dropped off tomorrow for my refund. Still awaiting Cabbage Rose (whose name will be Mignon) whom I know I will love, and a cheaper bear that tugged at my heart strings nonetheless. He will be named Barley. I’ve made necklaces for both already.

Now I have to decide which bear I’ll sleep with tonight… maybe Mudpie? 🤔

On The Way Home! 🚗 🧸 🌈

We’re heading home from Sebastian! It was a lovely time —I can’t wait to see the cats and the snailios, though.

On the way back, Sugar Lump took a hand at the wheel…

He was so proud! But the truth is he had a little help…

It’s a long drive home so we are taking a nice long nap. I’ll update again today or more likely tomorrow with more news about the weekend.

🌈✨ A Lovely Day ✨ 🌈

Today was such a lovely day! 🧸💕 Sugar Lump has his own little face mask to stay safe. We all wore ours, and used sanitizer constantly, but this is so-called “God’s Country”, and a lot of people just refused to wear them. 🙄 So, the stores that cared, were understandably hard-assed about it: limited people in stores, and masks required despite no mandates in the area. We appreciated this.

We did see a bar that actually prohibited masks. The people outside of it would kinda point and laugh at mask-wearers who passed them. It boggles me mind that people can be so self centered, and care so little for others, but, that’s how it was. 🤦‍♀️


Among other fun places, we went to Vero Beach Book Store. It was a DREAM!! My mom in law says it’s been there since the 60s. There were even scribbles by famous authors on the walls (illustrators of children’s books) even one of Llama Llama! But I didn’t get a picture.

The entire top floor was dedicated to children’s books and toys, I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many Jelly Cats in one place (interestingly, this helped me determine that while I enjoy looking at them, I just don’t really like Jelly Cats a lot for some reason… I can’t bond with them unless they have a certain look in their eyes, such as my little squirrel, Circo, or my worm, Ramen Noodle. In general little “dot” eyes don’t appeal much to me.)

Anyway, getting to see the store was wonderful, I did buy a few things I’ll talk about tomorrow. Not just there but at other really cool places we visited.

But now it’s time to sleep. I’ve decided I won’t be buying a “sleeping-with” plushie. I’ll try to get over my fear of ruining my Charlie Bears by just sleeping with one of them each night and being gentle. So last night I slept with Sugar Lump and I think he was happy. 💕🌙

I’ve been reading Cubby in Wonderland, which is really boring, and more of a… commercial for Yellowstone Park? But I’m trying to get through it since it’s a just a short little book.

Anyway that’s all I’ve got to share for now. I should have lots more to share later Sunday or on Monday. I hope you are all enjoying your weekend!

Heading To Sebastian! 🌈🚗🧸

Happy Saturday, everyone. We’re heading to visit family today! Going to have dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, Makoto’s, so I’m really excited. I have Sugar Lump with me! 🧸💕

Also hoping to visit a really neat book store/toy store before dinner. My Steiff Hoppi plush bunny was really ugly so I’m sending it back. Maybe I’ll find another good plushie for sleeping with at that store, but I won’t mind too much if I don’t.

Another State Of The Squelf 🗞️🐿️

Greetings! Well, I’ve certainly not been terribly active… Art has been slow, and I’ve barely popped up on chats or comments. I figured it was time for an update.

So here’s what’s kept me occupied and/or the state of things:

🌈 My Sites/Books:

The most important factor in my lack of activity. Wix is not always great, and very expensive, and I really like this WP blog. So I tried to move to WordPress.org, then simply upgrading my WordPress.com (where this blog was started) when the transfer of this blog to WP.org became much more bug ridden than I hoped (and I know… I know… one shouldn’t pay for WP.com, it’s a ripoff. Don’t give me a hard time, I had my reasons, I also had true expert assistance during the process, and the best they could do could not accomplish things as neatly as I wanted.)

Even when I upgraded my WP.com, the things I wanted to do would still have involved probably a full month of difficult manual work transferring my Wix galleries. I just kept running into issues and things didn’t really look like I wanted.

In the end, I downgraded WP.com to just “no ads” (mainly an issue on mobile) and stayed on Wix but that, too, necessitated work.

You see, unless you’re using dynamic pages, databases, etc, Wix has a 100 page limit. I had a lot of pages. Each of my book sections had its own splash page, a page per chapter, a page per character, an About page, a FAQ, a Chapter Index. For both of these, I significantly consolidated pages using anchors, so now, each book has a single page for characters, a single page for all chapters + index, and the about page is the splash page. Additionally, I had to change the font across many pages, as this, too, was giving errors, though only on mobile. All of this took hours and hours of work.

Why was I concerned about the page limit now? I hear you, I do, I haven’t posted a new chapter in a long while. But we knew, from the start, that I would reach a point in my book where there was a large space between chapters that I would need to fill, and try as I might I could not rush it. A lot of writing has been happening in the sidelines, I’m getting very close to when I’ll need to publish again, and doing it on a site that was constantly warning me of how close I am to the 100 page limit was distressing, so anyway, I fixed that.

I’ve also done adjustments to my Trello: the amount of columns has been significantly reduced. Now there is the Welcome column, the Label Guide, Waiting List, one column for ALL commissions in progress, one column for ANY free art, gifts included, one for Trades and Collaborations, and finally, one for personal art.

In addition, I added a “Book List” to this blog (similar to my anime list, only of books I’m reading) and greatly expanded my blog’s FAQ, as well as added anchor navigation to it. A countdown to the next significant event has also been added to the right sidebar (currently, for commission openings.)

I’ve also created a few new banners for my blog. Most of the year, you will see three variations of my older banner, which will show randomly (and, I will probably add more) with Ricky Parky making different faces. However, for fall/autumn there will be a specific banner (currently displayed) and a Halloween one for all of October. There will also be a Christmas banner from Black Friday to New Year’s. I plan to make Easter/Spring and July 4th banners eventually too.

This is mostly for my own amusement since… no one visits my blog as much as I do. Lol.

🌈 Commissions:

With some delays still, they are being fervently worked on. I currently have a complex YCH for Kiba, a 4 page, 3 character comic for Snow, and the commission for Island, in different degrees of progress (all between 60%-80% completion.)

🌈 Other Life Stuff:

Hmm, okay, what else… I’m awaiting two bunnies, a Charlie Bears one, and a Steiff one.

Stock photo of “Cabbage Rose” by Charlie Bears.

The Charlie Bear bunny I’m waiting for, is Cabbage Rose. I LOVE her name, but as usual I’ll pick one of my own. She will be my first jointed Charlie Bear bunny. Her ears are poseable!

I’m not sure if I will keep the Steiff bunny. I wanted a special plushie for sleeping with, that was soft. So it needs to be cute but not so cute that I worry about ruining it.

Being Steiff, it is overpriced, on par with some of my cheaper Charlie Bears, but being soft, non-jointed, and rather average looking. What I really wanted was the 45cm version of him, but it was a too costly for just a few extra inches, so I went with the 35cm one.

Stock photo of Hoppi by Steiff.

It sounds like it will fit the bill of what I am after, but if it is too cheap-looking, back it will go. It’s coming today, so we will see what we see. If it’s exceedingly adorable but too small, then I’ll send him back and consider the bigger one down the road.

(And if you saw me mentioning purchasing a Steiff bear on Discord, I actually canceled that order in favor of Hoppi here.)

I don’t have names for either bunny yet, which is a bit unusual for me. Hoppi is the bunny’s stock name.

I’m also waiting for more bear sweaters, and a new book, “Firstborn” by Tor Seidler. I’m really looking forward it. I’ve been reading lots, recently having finished “Toby Tyler; Or, Ten Weeks With A Circus” by James Otis, a very touching little book, if obviously dated.

Last night was date night, and as a rare treat we went out to eat. It had been a few months since Christopher and I last went out to eat as a date. It was really nice.

We went to Nami Sushi, and I had the Buddah Tofu and a Thai iced tea. We played LOTS of Tetris on the Switch, before and after dinner. It was a lovely evening.

Tomorrow morning we’re off for Sebastian to visit Christopher’s mom. I’m really looking forward to it. Provided my new Steiff bunny is satisfactory, I expect I’ll bring him along. 🐰

I don’t currently have any more news to share. Snail updates will be in their own post. I wish you all the loveliest of weekends!